Non-Verbal Communication

Inter-human communication can be divided into two clear levels, verbal and non-verbal. Although verbal communication is widely acknowledged, and there is much more awareness of it, non-verbal is often referred to as the true, base level of communications. Our primitive ancestors used this system long before complex languages had developed, even long before mankind started grunting and groaning. Non verbal communication reveals the true feelings of a person, because this system of communication is ingrained into the human psyche, through millions of years of evolution.

Modern man uses non-verbal communication as an alternative, or an accompaniment to the spoken word. Sometimes an expression can say much more than a word can. For example, a child who has stolen sweets or damaged the family car will have a guilty look on his face. Constant fidgeting, touching the face, looking down or across the room, not maintaining eye contact with the parent. The look can somewhat resemble that of a puppy who has just created a puddle. When someone is frightened, his facial muscles, especially around the mouth tend to pull back. Now, if you take the smile, which is a universally recognised expression of friendliness, you will notice that it is similar to the ‘fear’ reaction. When a person smiles, he makes the other person feel at ease, because sub-consciously, he realises that if the person is afraid, therefore he cannot be a threat. The smile is widely used in the courting ritual. We share this trait with many great apes, especially our closest relative, the chimpanzee. Incidentally, the genetic difference in dna between humans and chimpanzees is approximately 1%.

Different facial components signify different responses, for example, if someone has their jaw thrust forward, they could be self-confident, arrogant, extremely alert or at ease. An angry person can be distinguished by the way he stares, the colour of his cheeks, and a clenched jaw. Facial muscles tightly drawn, and grinding teeth may signify the person is nervous or stressed.

Apart from facial expressions, the hands can also tell a great deal about the person. If a person is hunched, or walks with a stoop, despite him having to spinal deficiencies, he is deemed to be a reclusive, anti-social person. He may have a troubled life, and this can show onto the way he walks or carries himself. The subconscious recognises this, and creates a vicious circle, where his body language becomes more and more pathetic. If a person has all his limbs uncrossed, and his hands visible and palms open, this can show that the person is sincere. These actions can be faked by politicians, to appear more friendly and trustworthy to the electorate. In saying that, although the body actions can be faked to an extent, they facial expressions will always give the game away, stressed, furrowed brows, a grimaced mouth, squinted eyes can reveal that all may not be as it seems within the person.

Crossing the arms in front of oneself may signify that the person is not sure of himself, or feels vulnerable and defensive. Therefore the crossed arms are protecting the sensitive internal organs, heart, spleen, liver, lungs etc. It is possible that man may have had this response programmed, somehow this natural protective action survived as a gene, through millions of years. Now, contrast this with a school-teacher, a powerful baron, or a factory manager. He will walk about his domain with his hands crossed behind his back, head up, chest out, shoulders back and spine arched straight. This is a signal of authority and power, that he has nothing to fear from anyone, and does not feel threatened. Compare the two types of opposing Non Verbal Communication.


Non Verbal Communication can be divided into three main areas, which are Kinesics, Proxemics and Para-Linguistics. Kinesics involve facial expressions such as smiles, frowns, narrowed eyes, transmitting anger, frustration, friendliness, disbelief, etc. Gestures such as pointing towards someone, giving a thumbs up sign, shaking the head, etc. Movements, including pacing up and down a room, finger-drumming as to indicate boredom, transmitting impatience or relaxation.

Proxemics include physical contact, shaking hands with someone, prodding someone with a finger in a provocative way, clapping someone on the back as if to congratulate, transmitting greetings, insistence or friendship. Positioning also comes under this category, keeping a respectful distance, for example, if walking down a quiet street and a woman is walking the same direction, it would be wise for the man to walk across the other side of the road, so that the woman doesn’t feel threatened. Also posture, standing straight and erect, lounging, sitting hunched up, leaning forward, spread across a chair, transmitting alertness and care, self-confidence, nervousness or ease.

Para-Linguistics are feedback sounds of surprise, agreement, annoyance or impatience. ‘Uh uh, whew!, oops!, tsk, tut tut, etc.

Human relations skills and effective working requires a finely tuned awareness of Non-verbal communication. It can help a person to quickly read a situation and to prevent problems from occurring. Nightclub stewards for example need to understand the intricacies of NVC as the safety of the clients depends on their intuition. For example, if a steward is confronted by a person who shows arrogance at the door, sneering, and staring at other people in the crowd, there is a very high chance that the person is looking for violence, and once he has consumed alcohol in the club, it is very likely he will hurt someone. If the steward is alert, he will recognise the signs and not let the person in. If the steward is highly experienced, he will use NVC of his own to send a subconscious signal to the aggressor to back away. He will look into his eyes, and try not to show any outward signs of adrenaline or emotional excess, which can be misinterpreted as fear. This shows that the ability to read body language and NVC can save lives, prevent conflict and ensure success when dealing with other people.

Non-verbal communication is a vital aspect of society and should be studied and observed as the benefits to one’s personal life and career can be immense. Learning to liase with colleagues at work, reading a spouse’s mood can prevent family trouble and arguments. Also, if you discipline your kids, but your body actions are not in synchronisation with your words, the child may feel as if you are hesitant or unsure, and may become unruly. If on the other hand, you can adopt a strong body pose and send powerful signals, the child will know that you are serious, and will obey your instructions, therefore becoming a well-rounded and happy person. If you ever have the misfortune to enter into a potentially violent situation in the street or in the pub, you may have the skills to diffuse the situation, before it escalates into physical violence, which can cause serious injury or even death.

Relating to pickup, non-verbal communication is essential, as the first impressions are made non verbally. If you see a woman you like in a bar for instance, it is important to first make eye contact, then smile to show you’re not a threat, then, by using an open, and confident posture, you display your body from different angles, so that your potential mate can size you up. Many psychologists say that when entering a room where a party is held, it is advisable to stand at the doorway for four seconds before entering, so that all the potential mates can check you out, and vice versa.

Non-verbal communication is the lifeblood and essence of mankind. As it was invented long before spoken language, it is worthwhile looking into it in a deeper way, so that the quality of life, and our relationships with our fellow man can be enriched and enhanced.

IceDragon